Friday, September 16, 2011

Horrific Threes

Whoever coined the term Terrible Twos apparently forgot to trademark the term Horrific Threes. Because, holy smokes, we need to batten down the hatches and prepare to weather this next year.

If I ever thought getting an infant diapered and dressed in clothing was hard, I now know that wrangling an almost 3 year old into Minnie Mouse jammies when she really wants Thomas jammies - and daring to put a diaper on her because "my's a big girl and I wear panties!" - is 100 times harder.

And now? They know what they want and how to ask for it. I can't simply ask "Do you want chicken nuggets for dinner" and expect a "yes" to suffice as the answer. Because the answer will be that they want Zaxby's chicken, but yellow sauce from Chick-Fil-A, all the while playing in McDonald's play area. So much for a fast food trip.

Oh, and not to mention - the fighting! I try my darnedest to get ready quietly in the morning, fumbling around in the dark, to keep from waking the two stragglers who somehow have made it onto my floor. But the moment Natalie wakes up, she's the most bright eyed and bushy tailed child ever. She will talk non.stop until she wakes up her sister. And Audrey? First thing in the morning, she's not a happy camper. So you can imagine that their oil and water personalities do not mesh. I try my hardest to get their milk ready, and turn on a cartoon, so I can at least put my pants on in peace. But instead, I'm prying children off each leg whilst trying to apply make up. And it usually goes like this:

Me: "Natalie, please don't open that bottle of shampoo"
Natalie: "Oh but mom, it is so pretty. Really, really pretty. And it smells so good. Like flowers and candy. Can I have some candy?"
Audrey: "Sissy opened that!"
Me: "Yes, Audrey, I see that. She's half a foot from me."
Natalie: "Audrey's being mean! Stop looking at me, Audrey." - and then she sticks out her tongue
Audrey: "Sissy spit at me!"
Me: "Natalie, don't spit. Princesses don't spit."
Natalie: "I'm not a princess, I'm a mermaid. And I'm having a mermaid birthday party with cake and presents. But I also like ballerina mousey. And I just tooted. Excuse mes."
Audrey: "Sissy just tooted. I'm a big girl 'cause I have panties."
Natalie: "I'm not a big girl, I'm little like the tummy baby. Excepts I have an extwensive vocabulary and curly hair."

And at that point, I realize I'm lucky I still have hair, and have not pulled all of it out.


  1. They are so cute! I do realize though this is coming from someone whose biggest problem in the morning is whether or not the fur-baby peed his bed.

  2. I'm dying at 'extwensive vocabulary'. DYING.

  3. Bwahahaha. Oh yes. I deal with this same thing every morning except I only have one. I can't imagine having two Annas!

    Doh, wait a second, I'm pregnant!

  4. Oh man! It must say that your girls are hilarious. I know the petty bickering can be draining but it is hard not to chuckle sometimes. My girls are the same way. Running away has crossed my mind many times. Hang in there!

  5. I'm a lurker from the days of the Bump (my daughter is right around the same age as your girls), and had to comment because I just laughed OUT LOUD at this post... and can 100% relate. I don't have twins but a 16 month old son who loves to get involved and torture his sister. Side note - thanks for the rec on the Ariel doll, I bought it as a birthday present for my mermaid-obsessed daughter (who also has something against keeping her dolls clothed).

  6. At least they're entertaining, right? :)

  7. Glad we are not the only ones. I was in tears last night because of the two of mine. L washed the mirror with wipes after they had been used on her hiney and G played in the toilet at McD's. So much for having a toilet in the kid play area. NOT A GOOD IDEA!

  8. That sounds very much like my house, but with a one-year-old who thinks she's 3 thrown in!

  9. haha SO true. i keep telling all my friends that 3s are so much worst than 2s!!

  10. Random side note, you obviously need these:

  11. You are absolutely right about this. I did a post a few years ago on my blog (that I no longer update) when my 3rd child was in her threes. I said that the twos are nothing compared to this year. Now, my youngest is edging towards three (November) and the same thing is happening. She is turning from this sweet, loving, docile child into a little bugger. I call them the "Throttle'em Threes".


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